12 Most Funny Tweets Ever

Beauty is in the eye of the retweeter. They are funny because they are true: meet some of the most clever, funny tweets we've ever seen.


"My parents didn't retweet me enough" (Link)


"To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'." (Link)


"May the 4th be with you!" (Link)


"Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?" (Link) 

"Disappointed to discover that @cause is not followed by @effect. C'est la vie...?" (Link)


"You have to be concise on Twitter. Like a circumcision, everything extra gets cut off whether you like it or not." (Link | Via)


"The main idea of 'Inception': if you run a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM, everything will be very slow" (Link)


"In fairness, we've been building 'ground zeros' near Iraqi mosques since March 2003." (Link)


"At a cemetery, looking for my name on tombstones. This is the Goth version of Googling yourself." (Link)


"My personality test results came back. They're negative." (Link)


"My mechanic just told me I could pick my car up at 5 p.m. and that they 'might be having a few beers there after work'. OMG is this a date?!" (Link)


"The 'J' on the neighbors' light-up 'JOY' decoration just burnt out. A multifaith family, perhaps?" (Link)

How to write a paper in university

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee.  Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out bored.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Swapped faces (Very funny)

Author Oliver Grau in his book Virtual Art: From Illusion to Immersion notes that the creation of artificial immersive virtual reality, arising as a result of technical exploitation of new inventions, is a long-standing human practice throughout the ages. Such environments as dioramas were made of composited images.

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The first and most famous mid-Victorian photomontage (then called combination printing) was “The Two Ways of Life” (1857) by Oscar Rejlander, followed shortly by the pictures of photographer Henry Peach Robinson such as “Fading Away” (1858). These works actively set out to challenge the then-dominant painting and theatrical tableau vivants. Images location.

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Photomontage is the process (and result) of making a composite photograph by cutting and joining a number of other photographs. The composite picture was sometimes photographed so that the final image is converted back into a seamless photographic print. A similar method, although one that does not use film, is realized today through image-editing software. This latter technique is referred to by professionals as “compositing”, and in casual usage is often called “photoshopping”
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Fantasy photomontaged postcards were popular in the Victorian and Edwardian periods.[citation needed]The preeminent producer in this period was the Bamforh Company, in Holmfirth, West Yorksihire, and New York. But the high point came during World War I, when photographers in France, Great Britain, Germany, Austria, and Hungary produced a profusion of postcards showing soldiers on one plane and lovers, wives, chldren, families, or parents on another. Many of the early examples of fine-art photomontage consist of photographed elements superimposed on watercolours, a combination returned to by (e.g.) George Grosz in about 1915. He was part of the Dada movement in Berlin which was instrumental in making montage into a modern art-form. They first coined the term “photomontage” at the end of the war, around 1918 or 1919. The other major exponents were John Heartfield, Hannah Höch, Kurt Schwitters, Raoul Hausmann and Johannes Baader. Individual photos combined together to create a new subject or visual image proved to be a powerful tool for the Dadists protesting World War I and the interests that they believed inspired the war. Photomontage survived Dada and was a technique inherited and used by European Surrealists such as Salvador Dalí. The world’s first retrospective show of photomontage was held in Germany in 1931. A later term coined in Europe was “photocollage”; which usually referred to large and ambitious works that added typography and brushwork or even actual objects stuck to the photomontage.

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Other methods for combining pictures are also called photomontage, such as Victorian “combination printing”, the printing of more than one negative on a single piece of printing paper (e.g. O. G. Rejlander, 1857), front-projection and computer montage techniques. Much like a collage is composed of multiple facets, artists also combine montage techniques. Romare Bearden’s (1912–1988) series of black and white “photomontage projections” is an example. His method began with compositions of paper, paint, and photographs put on boards 8½ × 11 inches. Bearden fixed the imagery with an emulsion that he then applied with handroller. Subsequently, he enlarged the collages photographically.

The 19th century tradition of physically joining multiple images into a composite and photographing the results prevailed in press photography and offset lithography until the widespread use of digital image editing. Contemporary photo editors in magazines now create “paste-ups” digitally. Creating a photomontage has, for the most part, become easier with the advent of computer software such as Adobe Photoshop (see figure below).

Top 15 Facts You Probably Don’t Know

Here at listverse we love fun facts. But even more than fun facts, we love unknown facts – things which make us seem a little smarter than the average person when we pull them out at parties. This list looks at 15 fascinating facts that you probably are unaware of (at least we hope so!) Be sure to add any of your own to the comments.

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Facts 1 – 5

1. Armadillos of the Dasypus genus give birth to four genetically identical quadruplets. This is the only reliable manifestation of polyembryony (two or more embryos developing from a single fertilized egg) in mammals.

2. Of the entire human body, around 3 pounds of the weight is microbial life; in other words, parasites and the like. Many of these are essential to the functioning of the body.

3. The germs in feces can pass through up to ten layers of toilet paper. Don’t forget to wash your hands!

4. Earwigs can fly. They have membranous wings folded underneath short forewings which they can use for limited flight. They are not particularly good at it but sufficiently good to move about if necessary. Contrary to popular belief, earwigs don’t transmit diseases amongst humans.

5. Cuttlefish have eyes shaped like the letter ‘w’ (pictured above). Although they cannot see color, they can perceive the polarization of light, which enhances their perception of contrast. They have full use of their eyes before they are born.

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Facts 6 – 10

6. The pyramids were originally covered with a highly polished white limestone so they would glisten from a distance. Some of these (albeit worn) are still visible at the top of the Pyramid of Khafre (pictured above).

7. Female koala bears (which are marsupials not bears) have two vaginas. Male koalas have a forked penis. No doubt their mating practices would be similar to those of these two humans who had the most bizarre relationship in history.

8. Human eyes contain a blind spot. The brain fills in with surrounding detail and with information from the other eye, so the blind spot is not normally perceived. To see the blind spot in action, go here.

9. The avocado is a ghost of evolution. It was originally consumed by large creatures in the Pleistocene period (when modern humans appeared). Creatures the size of wooly mammoths would have eaten the avocado whole, and excreted its seed in their dung. As these giant creatures died off, man cultivated the avocados for his own use and it is this cultivation which meant the avocado survived extinction.

10. Many traffic lights and lift buttons are actually placebo buttons – in other words, they do nothing at all when pressed. They exist to give the presser the feeling of control. [Source]

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Facts 11 – 15

11. When tickled, rats laugh. Here is an excellent video clip demonstrating this fact.

12. At certain points on Mercury’s surface, an observer would be able to see the Sun rise about halfway, then reverse and set before rising again, all within the same Mercurian day. Having said that, one day on Mercury is 176 earth days. [Source]

13. In his lifetime, Adolf Hitler had four relationships (three confirmed and one suspected). Of those relationships, all four women attempted suicide at least once, and two succeeded.

14. Sand sharks have a very unique gestation. A mother shark develops two embryos when impregnated. The stronger of the two embryos eats the other before it is born. This is called “intrauterine cannibalism”. It will also eat any other eggs that exist in the mother at the time.

15. The center of a rainbow is the shadow from your head. A primary rainbow is always somewhere on an arc 42 degrees around the shadow of your head (called the anti solar point). So brightly illuminated rain must be in this direction away from you to see a rainbow. [Source]

✾ Pink Rose Afterimage ✾

check the rose below – all you have to do is concentrate on the little cross on the left, and then after a minute or so, switch your focus to the cross on the right. The black and white photo now becomes pink.

☼ 10 Weird Laws Around the World ☼

The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. Here is a collection of some of the eccentric laws in the world. We can laugh, we can gasp, we can only wonder…

1. Think before you chew

In Singapore, chewing gum is prohibited. This rule was introduced because of the high cost and difficulty in removing stuck chewing gum from public premises. In particular, chewing gum stuck on the Mass Rapid Transit train doors stopped the trains from moving. It happened a few times and those were a few times too many.

2. Lighten up

Drivers in Denmark are supposed to drive vehicles with their headlights on. You’d think this law would apply to night driving but it doesn’t. It is considered essential during the day as well or they may face a fine of up to $100. Studies have shown that this has helped a lot to avoid road accidents in Denmark.

3. To fail > to jail

In Bangladesh, children 15 and older can be put in jail for cheating on their final examinations. Every year, Bangladeshi government takes strong measures to stop cheating and carries out a massive media campaign to forewarn students through print and television.

4. Picky about chicks

According to Akron- Ohio Act 925.62, No person, firm, or corporation shall dye or otherwise colorany rabbit or baby poultry, including, but not limited to, chicks and ducklings. No person, firm, or corporation shall sell, offer for sale, expose for sale, raffle, or give away any rabbit or baby poultry which has been dyed or otherwise colored.

5. Keep the change

In Canada, Currency Act of 1985 prohibits consumers from using unreasonable amounts of coins to pay for purchases. This means you can’t pay for an item in all coins (especially if it’s over $10). Even the use of dollar-coins is limited. The shop owner has the right to choose whether or not he wants to take your coins but doesn’t have to.

6. Sue them pants!

In France it is still against the law for women to wear pants. The law reportedly has been on the books since 1800.It was amended several times: once in 1892 to allow women to sport trousers while riding horses and again in 1909 to permit the ladies to wear pants while on bicycles.

7. Being twins, a sin?

China’s one child policy was established by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping in 1979 to limit communist China’s population growth. 35.9% of China’s population is currently subject to the one-child restriction. The government believes it has helped to alleviate social, economic and environmental problems in China.

8. The law with a flaw

In Georgia no bicycle shall be equipped, modified, or altered in such a way as to cause the pedal in its lowermost position to be more than 12 inches above the ground, nor shall any bicycle be operated if so equipped. The question is: Who would ride such a bike?

9. One Two Three GO!

In Massachusetts at a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. It is one of those laws that was written in books and never removed since then. Bad manners, one might consider it, but in Massachusetts it is a criminal offense.

10.ImPie-ous Christmas

In Britain, it is illegal to consume a mince pie on Christmas Day. It is one of the odd old laws on the statute book, although rarely enforced by even the keenest police officer. It was brought to existence by Oliver Cromwell, self proclaimed Lord Protector of England. Festivals that promoted gluttony and drunkenness were against the righteous Christian ethics, including Christmas.